She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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