I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
