Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
