So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
