Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
