You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
