Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
