i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
