Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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