only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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