Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
