Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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