If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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