Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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