I bet he comes in French.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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