We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize