one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
