I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
birth control should be required to get into college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
