remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
