thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
