tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
