I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
