We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
