After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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