I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
