my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
