you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
