ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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