how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
