dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize