my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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