how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
