No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize