She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
