Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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