I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
