I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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