that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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