I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh god it's open bar.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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