this just has baby written all over it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
