Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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