I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize