i jhust puked up my retainher.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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