True but thats because hes a fetus.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
