the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
