Do vagina's smell?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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