At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
