To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The adults are the big ones right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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