She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
