just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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