Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
