we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
