she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What a dumb baby whore.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
