Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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