Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
