i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
