I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
