new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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