I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
