you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
