rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
