dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
