Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
