I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
