If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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