You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize