Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
