I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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